It happened organically. They announced in staff briefing that there was a head of year job going, and I am the obvious candidate for that job. The school know I've wanted to be a head of year for a while now, and I've done two years as assistant head of year, so I am prepared and ready for the next step. When my colleagues asked me if I was going to go for it, they were shocked when I said no. They were asking to make polite conversation; they thought it was a given I'd say yes, no one was prepared for me to say no. Obviously, they had a lot of questions! "I don't think there's much point in me going for it," I said, "because... I won't be here next year... I'm leaving teaching."
Telling the school about the decision I had made felt like a huge relief. It was scary and real and great. I don't have another job to go to, so it was a real risk to voice this, but I finally feel like there's an end date. It puts the pressure on to find another job now, which can't be a bad thing. I also didn't fully resign, I just told the school I was looking and that I would "keep them in the loop", so I thought this was a safe way of making the first step without fully committing. Until just before we broke up for the Christmas holidays, I heard they were planning on advertising my job when we return for the Spring term. Oh shit. I thought about stopping them and saying "hang on a minute, you can't do that, I haven't really resigned yet!" But I don't want them to stop taking me seriously when I say I'm leaving, and actually, they need to take the time to find someone decent to replace me as teacher of Drama and assistant head of year. It'll be ok, but oh god, it's scary.
So... Now what?
I have until September to find another job. No, not another job, another CAREER. I'm back to square one. I feel like I did when I first stepped out of university with my shiny new degree and no idea where to start. I have a BA with honours in Drama, a diploma in education and absolutely no experience in anything other than teaching, which I don't want to do anymore. I think teaching has always been my comfort zone. Deep down, I think I always knew I'd end up playing it safe and becoming a teacher. I knew I'd be good at it, even though it has never really been what I wanted. Now it's time to really step outside of my comfort zone. It's hard to know where to begin.
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