I had a conversation with a parent the other day that went something like this.
Me: *Name* has got himself into a bit of trouble. He got a lunchtime detention because he was disruptive and, I’m sorry to say, he was quite rude to me. That turned into an after school detention when he persisted. Are you able to pick him up at 4:30 tomorrow?
Parent: Oh dear, my boys don’t really like Drama much do they? I’m just thinking, the doctors are currently looking at upping his ADHD medication because I don’t know if you know this but it doesn’t last all day, so if you have him at the end of the day then it will have worn off which is why he’ll have been misbehaving.
Me: I have him period 2.
Parent: Oh. I guess it’s not that then. I think… you know, he’s going through puberty at the minute so he‘s full of testosterone. I think that’s why he’s misbehaving in your lesson.
Me: With all due respect, Mrs *Name* everyone in the entire school is going through puberty.
Parent: Yes but I don’t think he gets much female attention, so I think that’s affecting him. I don’t think a detention will help with that.
Me: …
Start. Holding. Your. Children. Accountable. For. Their. Actions!
I’d first like to make it clear that I very much understand that some students do have ADHD and this makes concentrating and learning more difficult for them. I teach lots and lots of children with ADHD, and every decision I make is dependent on the individual and what is appropriate for them, and I use lots of strategies to support them in my lessons. This post absolutely is not about that, it’s about children never being held responsible for their actions because their parents always let them off with an excuse. It’s worth noting that the same child got sent out of my next lesson for purposefully sitting next to his friends after I’d told him 3 times to sit in his correct place, and for calling me a “stupid bitch” when I gave him a detention for it. Did he behave like this because he has ADHD? Possibly. Does that mean we should just let him off? Absolutely not! His Mum is constantly fighting to get him out of sanctions, and all it's teaching him is that he can behave however the hell he wants to.
Other excuses I’ve heard in my short time as a teacher include:
They’re having friendship problems, they didn’t get much sleep, their Dad is working away at the minute, their dog died… 5 years ago today, their self-esteem is too low, they dont have enough friends and the list goes on. I’m not saying these aren’t reasonable explanations for the behaviour, and if you’re telling me that your child is going through something so that I am aware of it, or so I can look out for them, then that’s fine. But for goodness sake tell your child off for being a dick in my lesson and support me in giving them a detention! Take their phone off them, take the PlayStation away, say they’re not going to that party at the weekend - you’ll be AMAZED at how quickly they’re able to amend their behaviour and make better choices DESPITE the fall out with the girls or the lack of sleep because they were on YouTube until 3am. While I’m here, please don’t allow your child to sit on YouTube until 3am.
Parenting is hard
I know what some of you might be thinking. I’m not a parent, so I don’t know how hard it is. I remember before I started teacher training I thought behaviour management would be easy. I thought you just give them a detention and then they behave as if by magic. I was wrong, it’s so much more complicated than that, and so much harder than that. I know parenting is similar in that everyone thinks they can do it until they try. Plus, no one teaches you how to be a parent. It’s crazy when you think about it, that as long as you can put a nappy on your baby and give them some milk, you’re sent on your merry way. There’s no one from the hospital showing up at your door when the child gets to 13, checking their screen time and counting the chicken nuggets in the freezer. I may not be qualified to judge, but I am qualified to give advice on this because I’ve seen the outcome from the other side, and because your choices affect me. Your child’s behaviour is sometimes the difference between me coming home with a smile on my face, and me coming home and looking for a new career.
A plea from me...
I beg you, do me a favour. Next time the school teacher calls you up, or your child comes home proclaiming their detention was “unfair”, save the excuses, get them to reflect on their behaviour and sanction them. Otherwise, we’ll end up with a whole generation of arseholes.
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